Where Do We Fit

I've found my self wondering a lot lately where Zoey, and therefore I, fit in terms of the Autism world. Zoey is very high functioning and there are times that I wonder how she even ended up getting a diagnosis (because a lot of more severe kids have had a hard time getting a diagnosis from Children's). Now let me clarify, I do not think that her diagnosis is wrong. I know enough about Autism and see her on a daily basis, so I see the symptoms/behaviors. However, from the outside looking in, they are a lot harder to see.

I find myself reading various posts from the online support groups I am a part of and I at times feel like an impostor. We don't have the sleep issues where she is up all night or up in the wee hours of the morning. We don't have the physically aggressive behaviors when tantrums happen. She is verbal and able to communicate fairly well with us. The other day she spent some time at her grandparents' house and was there with four other children. We were told that she was actually the best behaved.

I read a post the other day on Facebook that asked what things other autism families couldn't live without. It was in regards to the person's iPad dying and the upheaval that caused in the home. I thought and thought and thought about that and I really couldn't come up with anything. There are things that Zoey gets attached to and she will have a fit if we can't find it or if she thinks we are taking it away from her, but she can always be redirected and calms down. We aren't the what I think is pretty typical autism family where there is something that the child has to have at all times and can not go without.

However, we also don't fit nicely into the neurotypical world. She still struggles with social skills, appropriate boundaries, and having a back and forth conversation. Today I was at the dentist and the dentist's daughter, who was born a few months before Zoey, was in the office. I was listening to her have a conversation with the staff and I was reminded just how far behind Zoey is in that area. She has made so much progress since May and I am always hearing from her teacher and speech therapist how wonderfully she is doing that I sometimes don't see just how far behind she still is socially.

We still struggle with meltdowns over things that other children would not throw a fit over. For instance, we had one the other day because she wanted to have three books in bed with her and three toys, and three blankets. She gets upset at her social skills group if she isn't able to sit in the number 3 chair. If things are different than she expects them to be, it will throw her off at times.

So I'm left feeling frustrated. I need to vent sometimes about the things she does struggle with and the impact those things have on us, but at the same time I feel that I can't do so on the support groups because our issues aren't as bad as most people's. In a lot of ways I am grateful for that. It just at times makes me feel that as a special needs mom I don't really belong.