For most children with autism, the holidays are not nearly as full of joy as they are for typical children. Schedules are completely thrown off, there's a lot more noise and crowds everywhere you go, and there are so many "fun filled" (aka anxiety filled) activities that you are expected to participate in.
For parents of autistic kids, all of this means more stress (cuz heaven knows raising a child with autism isn't stressful enough), more parental anxiety, more meltdowns to try to prevent and/or contain, and more apologies to be made (for said meltdowns because people stare and all you can do is mumble an embarrassed apology).
There are two common themes I have been seeing in postings lately: 1) The stress of family gatherings and 2) Making Christmas work for your autistic child. This is where my biggest feelings of gratitude come from.
My family is awesome. Scott's family is awesome. It makes me so sad to hear other people's stories of spending the holidays with their family and dealing with judgement and rude comments, or being excluded from family gatherings all together because of their child. In our family there is none of this (unless it's done without us knowing, and I can deal with that). Some of that may be due to the fact that Zoey maintains herself fairly well at family gatherings most of the time (she saves the meltdowns for once we get home) but I honestly think that even if Zoey wasn't that way our families would be the exact same way. When Zoey was standoffish, and sometimes rude, to different family members, they never stopped trying. They didn't judge. They just accepted Zoey for Zoey. I'm sure it's easier for everyone now that Zoey has made so much progress socially and loves seeing family, but I have no doubts that she is loved any more now than she was back then.
I do worry about family gathering with extended family (aka the family Christmas party we are going to tomorrow) where she doesn't know people and they likely don't even know that she has autism. I worry about this causing her to meltdown and people not understanding. At the same time, I feel like we have to continue to give Zoey opportunities like this to continue to expand her comfort level with social situations. Even in those situations, I know that our family will support us.
I think I take a lot for granted when it comes to Zoey. Christmas is one of my favorite times of the year. I have all kinds of family traditions that I have either carried over from my childhood or started since Zoey was born. I read people's posts about how they have had to change how they celebrate Christmas and I am grateful that Zoey tolerates my Christmas craziness and actually seems to be embracing most of it. Other people can't leave wrapped presents under the tree or even have trees at all. Zoey hasn't messed with our tree at all. She notices when more presents are placed under the tree, but she doesn't try to open them or even ask when she can open them.
So I just wanted to acknowledge that I recognize that I am blessed in many ways and thank those around us that love Zoey for Zoey :)
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