The Things We Take for Granted

Prior to Zoey turning 3, I don't think I every really thought about whether or not she would have friends. I just kind of took for granted that she would. Obviously I worried about things like bullies and already we have had to deal with that slightly. Really it was Scott who observed another little girl at the playground shun Zoey because she couldn't understand Zoey when Zoey told her what her name was. This little girl told the other kids to run from Zoey. Thankfully, at this point Zoey didn't really understand or care. But as she gets older she will encounter those situations and she will care, and as parents Scott and I will try to help her through them. Those are the situations I was expecting.

What I wasn't expecting ... What I took for granted was that Zoey would have connections with people outside of her family.  Scott and I would joke at times about how she was doomed socially due to the fact that both of us are socially awkward and have social anxiety. However, both Scott and I had friends growing up. We had people that we were close too. We had connections. 

Ever since Zoey turned 3 and I really started worrying about an Autism diagnosis, I have been hypersensitive to her social interactions, or lack there of. I mostly avoiding asking her daycare about it because I think a part of me knew the answer, but then when I finally did start to ask more, I was devastated by the answer. My sweet little girl, who has a personality that most people just fall in love with, spent the majority of her time in daycare by herself. She didn't seem interested in playing with the other kids. The picture that came into my mind was of Zoey off in a corner somewhere all alone, while the rest of the kids ran around having fun.

That is why these past two days have been so great. Yesterday when we were at COSI, Zoey made a friend. I had to walk her through the social niceties of asking to play and introducing herself, but Zoey was interested in playing with this little girl and she was able to engage in imaginary play with this girl. Then today when I picked her up from daycare, she was sitting at the table with the rest of the kids and they were all playing a guessing game with one of the teachers. Zoey saw me, ran up to me, and then immediately asked to keep playing. I let her and while she didn't seem to follow along with the guessing part of the game (I think because she had her back to where the teacher was), she was hiding her eyes and counting with the rest of the kids. When they transitioned to Simon Says, Zoey excitedly jumped up and down with two other little girls. When I finally got Zoey to grab her bag and head out the door, she said goodbye to everyone. Another little girl asked her for a hug and Zoey happily gave her one. That little scene melted my heart. Zoey had a connection, even if it was just a brief one, with a kid around her age who wasn't her cousin. It gave me hope that Zoey will have those things that I used to take for granted ... a meaningful relationship with a friend.

I know the road will be rough. I know that I will have to overcome some of my own social anxieties in order to help Zoey down this path. But I also know that there is a part of Zoey that wants that social connection and that she is capable of it. That means the world to me.

Zoey with her friend at COSI